Oh, avoidance…..yep, that’s something I can say I’m good at. Well, I suppose that is not something to be proud of or to be flaunting that trait, but it’s true. I avoid feelings mostly. I even do it subconsciously (hmm, is that the correct word I’m thinking of???). Anyways, I hardly write anymore because it’s really hard for me to get my thoughts into words that I can type. Part of it might be that my life is going really well and I don’t have anything to Bitch about otherwise it could just be that I’m avoiding thinking about the things that are bothering me. If I push them off long enough will they just go away? Maybe that’s the mentality that I have…..avoidance.
I eat to avoid without even thinking about it. I just do it. More and more lately I realize that when I get upset I turn to drinking to calm my nerves or just bring me to a place of serenity. Funny thing is that I feel bad when I eat to cover feelings, but not when I drink.
There is a back story to this, in summary I went to Al-anon for a while to deal with growing up in an alcoholic family, but it never really stopped me from drinking myself. Eventually I wound up in AA and realized that I had a problem. I tried to work through the steps, but it just didn’t seem to be for me. I’ve jumped around from so many self-help groups that I realize now that I don’t have a problem, I have a problem in many areas and I just seem to spread it out or dump it all into one area, depends on the day.
I’m not sure what my point is getting at here besides acknowledging the fact that I do avoid my feelings and fill it with food or alcohol. That’s about all I can muster tonight for writing, but at least I tried.