Really, who cares if I gain a few pounds? Is it really like my co-workers or friends are staring at me saying “wow, she’s put on a few pounds and now we can’t be her friend”? NO, no and no. Who cares about how much I weigh or look (within reason of course). *Disclaimer: I’m saying this about me at a semi-normal healthy weight. Obviously I could see people being concerned especially when I was obese.*
The reason I’m saying this is because I’ve become so obsessed with a number such as weight and calories. It’s not healthy because I think about it all the time and then get frustrated, which just leads me down a bad path. I’m the only one who cares so much about such small things. No one else notices or is judging me. I need to let it go and stop trying so hard.
Today, I’m not counting calories and I didn’t weigh myself. I’m going to eat what my body wants for a few days and try not to worry so much about a “diet”. I need to find a place where I eat when I’m hungry, I make balanced choices and I don’t obsess. I don’t want to eat junk all day everyday and that’s not what my body wants either. At times (OK, most of the time) that is what my brain thinks it wants, but then again I know and you may know that I have a crazy brain. *Another Disclaimer: I’m not being mean to myself, it’s a fact that I have some “issues” or chemical imbalances that cause my brain to function in a crazy way*
My point being that I’ve hit a healthy weight, and yet I still find it impossible to accept myself. Say I lose 5 pounds, is anyone going to notice? NO. Am I going to be happy? No. See my point? It’s me who notices and harps on myself, which I’m learning is NOT helpful or effective. I need to learn to accept myself, physically and mentally because I am beautiful, right? I damn well better be because I tattooed it on myself and gosh darn it, I need to start believing it.
I’m not sure what kind of mood I’m in right now, but all I know is that I need to do some serious work on learning to accept myself and that I’m really scared to do what it to takes to make that happen.