For awhile now, I’ve been making excuses about something thinking that if I did it I would be a bad mom. Well today I did that very thing, and I’m unsure of how I feel about it.
I have basically been a single mom much of my daughter’s life. Things are a bit different now, but it’s complicated. Realizing that I needed to take care of myself, work a full time job, raise a child and deal with some mental instabilities has been very trying on me. Work has been overly stressful on me lately and it’s really taking a toll on me too. I’ve had every excuse in the book to not take care of myself because it would take away time from my daughter or some how conflict with something else that needed to be done.
I thought I had the eating portion under control, but I’ve come to find out that it still needs some attention. I have much more knowledge and confidence in myself after hitting my goal and losing 66 pounds with the SlimGenics program, however I know that I need to work at it to maintain my weight loss.
Getting to the part about why I think I may be a bad mom is that today I put my daughter in daycare for 9 hours today, proceeded to pick her up and put her in childcare for another 2 hours. Really, 11 hours? Then I brought her home, made dinner and basically had to put her to bed. That makes me feel horrible that I had hardly any time with her, however I actually did something for me – I got a trial membership at a gym and took a fitness class. It was something I really enjoyed and that is great for me, however it makes me feel like a bad mom that I’m taking that time for myself when I should be spending it with her and I’m not sure that I like that. I really enjoyed the Zumba class, felt good doing it and I know that there are many benefits from it.
I know people have many other suggestions like “workout at home with a DVD”, “take a walk with her”, “go biking”, “find a parent/child workout class”, “find a cheaper gym”, “workout on your lunch break”. YES, I hear you, but those things just don’t work for me. I feel like I need to justify myself to everyone or maybe it’s just because I’m trying to justify things to myself. I just can’t motivate myself to workout alone or take a walk or do those things. I can’t find a gym that is cheap because either 1. they don’t have workout classes or 2. they don’t have childcare. I need group fitness classes, that is almost the only thing that will get me to exercise, and I know that about myself. Classes are only offered at certain times and that is not on my lunch break which I wouldn’t even have time for. See EXCUSES, but the thing is that I went, I worked out and I liked it, yet I have guilt. So I’m stuck. I’m going to try my free 7-day trail pass and make a decision at the end.
Sorry for such a long post on a topic that could have been very short, however I have a lot of feelings about this topic and it’s made me very emotional because of my insecurities as a parent – it’s a hard job. Thanks for reading.