*Devestated*

This morning before I even got out of bed I was depressed.  I was dreading work, which makes it for a bad start already.  Then I got dressed and weighed in.  I have limited myself to two weigh-ins per week, which I have been sticking too so far.  On Friday I weighed in at 163 and today (Monday) I weighed in at *insert devastation here* 172.  REALLY?  9 pounds over the weekend?  Yeah, I didn’t eat amazing, but how did I go so wrong to gain 9 pounds?

I ate Jimmy John’s twice, ate 4 cookies, didn’t drink enough water and didn’t exercise at all.  So, yes I’m to blame about the eating part, but I’m also blaming it partially on being a woman as it’s that time (sorry guys).  For real though, 9 pounds, I almost started to cry that I was over 170.  Being at 172 puts me 19 pounds above my lowest weight with SlimGenics.

How did I let all those old bad habits creep back into my life and make me gain 19 pounds?  I worked so hard, spent a lot of money and put in my precious time to being dedicated to bettering myself and now this?  It really threw me for a loop this morning, and I decided that I was going to go back on the SlimGenics weight loss plan for today.  I only started with today because I don’t want to overwhelm myself as that is almost a guarantee for failure.

I have done well.  I did eat an extra protein and one extra starch (40 calories) as I knew that being the first day of limit calories that I would be hungry.  I went from eating over 2,500 calories to about 1,200 (depending on the food choices – today I only ate 1,012).

No, I’m not starving myself, I’m just making really good food choices.  Things like salad, Greek yogurt, eggs, broccoli, raspberries and light bread don’t have near as many calories as my previous choices (Cookies, Ice cream, chips and salsa, hamburger and fries, restaurant foods, McDonalds, alcohol ect.).  It’s really all about the simple food choices I make.  Should I have a 120 calories snack or a 560 calories snack….Um, the answer sounds simple but when you compulsively overeat (like me) it’s hard to resist the things that tend to be higher in calories.

In all seriousness, I do have an eating disorder or simply a very unhealthy relationship with food.  Sometimes it directly correlates to my mood/feelings, and I use food to hide behind.  Sometimes I eat because I’m bored, at a social event or just because.  No matter what reason I have it’s no excuse to make the unhealthy choices that I sometimes choose.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m NOT saying I can’t have fries or ice cream, but moderation is a skill that I lack so I need to be careful.

I want to be healthy, live a healthy lifestyle and overall have a very healthy relationship with food.  I want to be happy with my body and I know that just losing weight won’t change that on it’s own, but I’ve been trying to do a lot of inner searching to find out what will make me happy.  The jury is still out on that though.

Anyways, to wrap this up, I want to lose some weight as I know I can.  I want to do it the healthy way and I want to keep it off.  I will have more on the topic of food addiction in an upcoming post from a special guest blogger, so stay tuned!

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This entry was posted in Body Image, Food, SlimGenics, Struggles, Weight Loss and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to *Devestated*

  1. Miranda says:

    You can do it Danielle. I have a very much of a Love/Hate relationship with food too. The more I try not to think about yummy food the more I think about doughnuts. Seriously. 😦

  2. Sky says:

    Take it easy. Gaining nine pounds is one thing, but beating yourself up about it is another.

  3. Lauren says:

    Danielle, You can do it! Maybe you need to fresh start to cleanse your system? You are doing exactly the right thing. Focus on the positives, take it one day at a time, and know that YOU are worth the effort. I think all of us SG folks have the same unhealthy relationship with food (or we wouldn’t be overweight), but the plan is all about learning to overcome it. This will be a lifelong struggle for all of us. We can do it!

    • Danielle says:

      I hate that this will always be a struggle. It’s not like other addictions where we can just stop cold turkey….no we need to find a balance because we need food. I’m just hoping to find that balance, sooner rather than later!

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