Fresh Start

This post is taken me a lot longer than expect to write, I started it many days ago, but life interrupted, so I’m still trying to finish it.  LOL.

Last Friday I went to the center and I weighed in.  I knew I’d be up in weight, but it was more than I expected.  I was shocked, but since I’ve been diligently tracking my food, I knew the reasons behind the weight gain.  I then decided that it was time to try something new.  I asked if I could do a plateau breaker or something different since what I had been doing just wasn’t working.

So, I was put on the Fresh Start to do on Saturday and Sunday.  I hoped that I could follow thru with it since I’ve been lacking in the follow-thru department lately.  I did great all day Saturday and had anticipated that EVEN when I was headed to a county fair that I would be good.  Well, I was mostly – just had a glass of lemonade, so I thought that wasn’t too bad.

Sunday I did decent with a few modifications because I forgot and ate some blueberries instead of 1/2 an orange – oh well right.  And I caved and ate one cookie.  I’d say that was fairly successful for being on maintenance and not used to restricting foods again.  I weighed in on Monday and to my surprise I was down 4.25 pounds!  Woot!!!!

Then Monday night came and it all fell apart.  When I’m rushed or flustered I tend to be unable to think clearly and get all confused and make impulsive / poor choices.  And that’s when my daughter suggested McDonald’s.  Damn it!  I caved and felt so bad afterwards.  Granted when I say these things, mind you that I am still tracking calories and am staying within the recommended calorie range for me, but still.  I know it’s okay to have these things once in a while, but my issue lately is that I’m falling back into old habits and I’m scared.

Tuesday came and I got a McDonald’s million calorie coffee in the morning.  Gah!  Then something happened, a sparked fired.  I got this obsessively annoying happy feeling about how I can do this and how I want to stick to the regular weight loss plan for a bit to get back down to my goal weight, even after not doing perfect today.  I was SO excited and thought “Yes, I’ve regained my motivation that has been lost”.  So I went to my center and weighed in another .25 pounds down.  Awesome, I’m back to 160 so now I can keep going down from there!  I did great the rest of the day, stuck to everything just as I should!!  I was proud.

Wednesday came and I was still pumped!  I did great all day at work, except I had one extra Thermo-snack because I was really hungry, like actually hungry, not just bored.  Then I had to work late, pick up my daughter, rush her to dance class and by the time we were done it was past dinner time and I was extremely hungry.  I got flustered, couldn’t think and a million fast food options were racking through my mind.  I was trying to think of the best (bad) option and somehow I ended up with pizza.  *Hmmph*  After I ordered it I immediately felt bad, but they already started cooking it so I couldn’t cancel, then I had to buy it and thought well since I bought it I have to eat it since I can’t waste the money.  I ate it and felt even worse.  There was still pizza left that I didn’t want to waste so I told my boyfriend that when he got home he was to eat it all so that I couldn’t have anymore.  I tracked calories and stayed within my range, yet when I weighed in this afternoon I gained back another 2.5 pounds.  WTF?  A few pieces of pizza and I gain 2.5 pounds?  That’s so F’ing unfair.  How is it that food loves my body, like sticks to it like glue?  I mean really I’m good for days then eat one thing and BAM, up goes the scale.  It ticks me off.

So, I’ve been good today and will be trying to drink extra water to flush the excess sodium out of my system from the pizza.  I am going to a my cities Derby Days tonight and they have a bunch of food vendors that I’m going to do my best to avoid and to just have fun otherwise.

I’ve been so stressed and down lately that I worked it out so that I could take Friday off of work.  I’m taking my daughter to daycare as usual then my boyfriend and I are headed to our local amusement park for a day of fun.  Of course they have junk food there too.  I’m thinking about packing a picnic lunch for us, but not sure what the menu should be.  Any thoughts?  Then it’s the weekend packed with playdates and fun.

I need some downtime to catch up on life.  I mean I usually have time, but I’m so burnt out that I get paralyzed and sit on my butt doing nothing which is so not productive and makes me feel bad.

Anyways, long story even longer…….I want to lower my weight back to a place where I’m comfortable and I need to take some hard steps to discipline myself to follow through.

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2 Responses to Fresh Start

  1. Angie Bullock says:

    Oh, Dani, I feel your pain, but I also think you’re being overly hard on yourself. Which, of course, I TOTALLY understand, because I do it too. But, it’s easier to tell you NOT to do it. 😉

    The one thing I am actually ok at doing is cutting myself some slack in the summer, because it’s just SO HARD to avoid a million events and gatherings that all center around food. AND, it’s NO FUN to not be able to enjoy that at all, either!!

    I’m still up 8.5 lbs from my SG goal and I’m actually not that worried about it, as long as I don’t continue to go up, up, up!! I KNOW that once falls arrives, I’ll have renewed motivation (and reduced temptations) and hit it hard again. At least for me, that’s the cycle.

    The thing is, yes, we need to be diligent to not fall back into old patterns, but I also truly believe we have to find a way to ENJOY food too.

    I will absolutely be praying for you that you can find that balance (and that I can find that balance too!! Ha!).

    • danibabe2 says:

      Angie-

      I know nothing of which you speak about when you say I’m being hard on myself…..Nooooooooo :p LOL Yes, this is my curse, I’m always really hard on myself. I’m about 8ish pounds above my lowest SG weight too so it isn’t too terrible, but for some reason I feel that it is. Summer time is very hard, I didn’t think about that before, but you’re very right. You are very insightful and positive. I like that about you!

      Enjoy food? I’m not sure I will be able to do that without overeating…..maybe someday.

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