Well, I’m maintaining my weight for this week. I’m about 3 pounds above my lowest weight with SlimGenics, but that’s ok because I’m still within the range I set for myself. I’m not sure how I feel about that actually. It’s a really odd concept to me at this moment. For so long I was losing almost every week and now to see the numbers stay the same is hard for me. It totally hit me today that this is what I weigh and I’m not at this point going to lose anymore. I started to cry….
Getting the weekly changes for the balance phase is confusing (Each week is a tiny bit different for those four weeks of balance). I think that’s only because I was so accustom to following the SlimGenics plan for 29 weeks (about 7 months) and now it’s changing. In some instances it takes me a bit to adjust to new things, particularly this one. So starting next week, I’m basically allowed to eat whatever – in Moderation. We figured out a rough estimate of how many calories I should be taking in daily to maintain my weight. I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with this just yet.
I like the structure of the SlimGenics plan and that it tells me how much of what types of things to eat each day. Now, I have the options to eat anything, and I’m not sure that I trust myself to eat things (especially sweets) in moderation. I guess I’m just really nervous that I will slip back into old ways – I know I won’t completely, but I bet some days will be really hard. Sweets do me in. I can’t help it, and I over indulge.
It’s just such an odd concept to me that I weigh what I do…..I mean really? I don’t feel like I am a “normal” weight. I still feel like that fat yucky girl from before a lot of times. When I look in the mirror, I just don’t see it. People call me skinny and I disbelieve them. I’m not, I can’t be. If anything I’ll have to go with them calling me average, but no way am I skinny. I guess compared to before I would be, but I don’t understand. I can’t see it. Some days however I do feel very comfortable in my body and like (most of) it. But seriously I’m not sure exactly why I started to cry earlier today. I should be so happy that I hit goal and that I’m maintaining. It seem inevitable that nothing is ever good enough for me, I really dislike that feeling and would like to continue working on changing that.