Odd Concept

Well, I’m maintaining my weight for this week.  I’m about 3 pounds above my lowest weight with SlimGenics, but that’s ok because I’m still within the range I set for myself.  I’m not sure how I feel about that actually.  It’s a really odd concept to me at this moment.   For so long I was losing almost every week and now to see the numbers stay the same is hard for me.  It totally hit me today that this is what I weigh and I’m not at this point going to lose anymore.  I started to cry….

Getting the weekly changes for the balance phase is confusing (Each week is a tiny bit different for those four weeks of balance).  I think that’s only because I was so accustom to following the SlimGenics plan for 29 weeks (about 7 months) and now it’s changing.  In some instances it takes me a bit to adjust to new things, particularly this one.  So starting next week, I’m basically allowed to eat whatever – in Moderation.  We figured out a rough estimate of how many calories I should be taking in daily to maintain my weight.  I’m not sure that I’m comfortable with this just yet.

I like the structure of the SlimGenics plan and that it tells me how much of what types of things to eat each day.  Now, I have the options to eat anything, and I’m not sure that I trust myself to eat things (especially sweets) in moderation.  I guess I’m just really nervous that I will slip back into old ways – I know I won’t completely, but I bet some days will be really hard.  Sweets do me in.  I can’t help it, and I over indulge.

It’s just such an odd concept to me that I weigh what I do…..I mean really?  I don’t feel like I am a “normal” weight.  I still feel like that fat yucky girl from before a lot of times.  When I look in the mirror, I just don’t see it.  People call me skinny and I disbelieve them.  I’m not, I can’t be.  If anything I’ll have to go with them calling me average, but no way am I skinny.  I guess compared to before I would be, but I don’t understand.  I can’t see it.  Some days however I do feel very comfortable in my body and like (most of) it.  But seriously I’m not sure exactly why I started to cry earlier today.  I should be so happy that I hit goal and that I’m maintaining.  It seem inevitable that nothing is ever good enough for me, I really dislike that feeling and would like to continue working on changing that.

Good night!

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