Yesterday in my RSS feed there was this post Longings written by another weight-loss blogger that I follow.
I read it and realized that I need to get to the point where food doesn’t give me a state of Euphoria. Now, I’m not saying that eating a brownie is the best thing in the world, but I can say that I thoroughly enjoy the taste of certain foods (mainly desserts) and sometimes over indulge because I want to continue having a party with my taste buds even if my tummy wants me to stop.
I want to be able to have a healthy relationship with food, and I can honestly say that I’m not there yet. Some days I feel that it’s a lot better than it used to be, and yet some days are WAY harder. I’ve come to realize that I’ve always had an unhealthy relationship with food, however I just never thought about it or even took the time to realize what I was putting in my mouth. I just ate what I wanted, whenever I wanted. And now, I’m trying to have a pause between the thought and the action.
When have a craving for a certain food, I imagine how good it’ll taste and how I’ll have that temporary euphoric state, then I NEED to eat it or I drive myself crazy thinking about it. Like I said I typically just gave in and now I’m trying not to. I wish I didn’t enjoy certain foods as much as I do, I wish I had the will power to resist those foods without obsessing about how good they would taste. I no longer want to have a longing for foods, I want to eat because it’s a necessary part of life and enjoy it minimally. I don’t want food to be a source of happiness for me – I don’t want to turn to food for comfort or to get some “high”. I need to find another outlet and it’s harder than I imagined. I didn’t realize the hold food had on me.
Food for me is like an addiction, yet it’s not something I can just quit….I need it to sustain life. I’ve overcome other addictions in my life and there have been many difficult times and somehow I’ve gotten past them and am recovering. I have an addictive personality and it seems to me that there will always be something in my life that I get “addicted” to. I’m working on managing and monitoring it, however I can’t say I am not 100% cured of all past addictions, although I do have a much better handle over them. I am fairly young, yet my the past years of my life have been bumpy and difficult. I have a lot of knowledge and experiences to offer. Food is different though because I can’t just say “Ok, I’ll never touch another morsel of food again”, like I could with say alcohol for example.
I am very grateful for knowing that I’ve come out alive of many situations and I have faith that food will not get the best of me. I am very realistic though and I know that it has a tight grip and won’t give up without a fight. SlimGenics has given me the tools of what healthy eating looks like and it’s up to me how I continue to use that information. I plan to be conscious of my future eating decisions and continue to try doing what is best for my body, not just give into a temporary high. Easier said than done, but I think over time it’ll get easier!