5 pounds from goal and I’m wasting my weeks away with SlimGenics.  I’m struggling to stay on plan and to be accountable to anyone, especially myself.  I don’t want this to be a downer post, but right now I’m just frustrated.  I’m holding myself back and I’m not sure why.  I can’t stop this mindless eating.  I always want to be eating even when I’m not hungry.  I’m trying to monitor what my body needs and determine if it really is hunger and most of the time it’s not……I just want to taste food.  It’s a habit to eat while working, watching TV, surfing the web, driving, ect, ect, ect.  I was doing so well for about the first 4 months and now this past month has been a struggle.  I know that I’m super close to my goal and that it’s totally achievable and yet I can’t seem to get focused enough to make it happen.  In reality I know that hitting my goal isn’t going to change things, I’ll still be in a constant struggle with food.  While practicing my healthy eating habits I need to address some other mental issues associated with the whole process.

I met with my therapist yesterday and it was a good session.  I’m beginning to realize that I’ve come so far AND that I still struggle.  It’s ok to have both.  I can be proud for what I’ve achieved AND continue to work on areas that need improvement.  I’m very much a black and white thinker and I’m trying to get away from that and find a middle ground.  Almost every night for two weeks or so I’ve eaten something off plan, yet I am not beating myself up.  I say I’ll start over and have good intentions for the next day to make good choices.  That’s an improvement for me because typically I’d throw in the whole linen closet (not just the towel!) and go back to eating everything and anything I wanted.  I am still trying, I want to succeed and luckily I am very intuitive and in touch with me.  I try to pay attention to myself and analyze and better myself.  I’m always striving for more.  That can be good and bad at times.  For now I’m going to see it as a positive attribute and continue working to achieve a better me.

I wish I had words of wisdom for others who are struggling too, but I just don’t.  I’m still trying to find something for me right now.

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