Giving Up…..

I feel like giving up, I’m getting frustrated and that only makes things worse.  I’m stressed about numerous things and there are quite a few contributing factors to my feeling this way.  I’m not going to get into explaining all the reasons, but it made me revert to food for comfort.  Last night I was feeling like crap and getting crabby, I ended up asking my boyfriend to pick me up some DQ on the way home.  He didn’t try to stop me because he knows that I’m a big girl and that I can make my own decisions.  I opted for a blizzard – a mini size.  I enjoyed every single bite of that mini blizzard.  Now, I’m not encouraging going off plan and reverting to food for comfort, but I’m also not going to beat myself up. 

So, I made a decision that I thought would help me at the moment.  Yes, I could have made better decisions, but I felt like I needed that.  I knew I’d pay for it later – on the scale and I did.  I gained since Satruday and that makes me even more frustrated.  See there is a chain reaction in which I know how the decisions will affect the next and yet I still made a choice.  I want to just give up thinking that I’m stuck, I can’t go any further, I can’t lose any more weight, all this was for nothing.  I’m a very ‘Black and White’ thinker.  It’s either all or nothing and right now this all feels like it was for nothing.  Nothing is ever good enough for me.  I know that I’m just in a funk and this goes in waves, so I need to just wait it out and things will start looking up soon.  So, I’m going to just try to ride this wave out and feel my feelings for what they are.  They are valid feelings and it’s ok for me to be where I am at this very moment.  I need to accept that.

I’m not sure if this post even makes any sense since I’m just typing emotionally, but oh well! 

And no…..I’m not going to give up, I just feel like it sometimes.

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One Response to Giving Up…..

  1. Matty says:

    Dani, your post totally makes sense to me because I know exactly what you’re going through. There have been many times on my own journey where I was absolutely sure I couldn’t do it anymore. I hated my food selections, I hated the time and effort it took to eat right, and I wanted my old life back. And just like you, I would just go off the tracks a little bit. And then I would pay for it on the scale and feel even worse about it than I did before. The most important thing is to start fresh. For me, it meant taking a step back by going back to some of my old ways for a couple days…getting my head on straight about all the good things I’m doing for myself, and getting back on the horse. If you find that your DQ treat didn’t “tide you over” it might be something to consider. You’ll pay for it on the scale, but the recommittment you feel afterward might be just what you need. Anyway, that’s my two cents, if you’re interested!

    Matty

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