I feel like giving up, I’m getting frustrated and that only makes things worse. I’m stressed about numerous things and there are quite a few contributing factors to my feeling this way. I’m not going to get into explaining all the reasons, but it made me revert to food for comfort. Last night I was feeling like crap and getting crabby, I ended up asking my boyfriend to pick me up some DQ on the way home. He didn’t try to stop me because he knows that I’m a big girl and that I can make my own decisions. I opted for a blizzard – a mini size. I enjoyed every single bite of that mini blizzard. Now, I’m not encouraging going off plan and reverting to food for comfort, but I’m also not going to beat myself up.
So, I made a decision that I thought would help me at the moment. Yes, I could have made better decisions, but I felt like I needed that. I knew I’d pay for it later – on the scale and I did. I gained since Satruday and that makes me even more frustrated. See there is a chain reaction in which I know how the decisions will affect the next and yet I still made a choice. I want to just give up thinking that I’m stuck, I can’t go any further, I can’t lose any more weight, all this was for nothing. I’m a very ‘Black and White’ thinker. It’s either all or nothing and right now this all feels like it was for nothing. Nothing is ever good enough for me. I know that I’m just in a funk and this goes in waves, so I need to just wait it out and things will start looking up soon. So, I’m going to just try to ride this wave out and feel my feelings for what they are. They are valid feelings and it’s ok for me to be where I am at this very moment. I need to accept that.
I’m not sure if this post even makes any sense since I’m just typing emotionally, but oh well!
And no…..I’m not going to give up, I just feel like it sometimes.