Yes, I’m here. I’ve been struggling with numerous things, and I was trying to avoid them. I’ve been wondering about this blog, I mainly write this for me, but at the same time, I hope that someone is getting something from my experience or that someone semi-enjoys reading it, but who knows. For now I’ll keep writing it just because it helps me express my journey and it’s away to document my progress.
“What you’ve done means nothing”, “Losing 27.5 pounds isn’t that big of a deal”, “You should be losing more”, “You look the same, nothing has changed” ect, ect, ect. That is a tiny snippet of what is going on in my head. So much negative self talk. I try really hard to counteract that negativity with some positive facts, but it doesn’t always work. I’ve found that I’m my worst critic, I’m super hard on myself, and that nothing is ever good enough for me. It’s starting to come out more and more. Now, that I’m actually doing something about my weight and body issues, it’s eating at me. It’s always been there, I’ve always had low self-esteem and didn’t like the way I looked, but it wasn’t always a big deal because I ignored it. I didn’t think about it much because I
knew thought that I couldn’t change it. But now realizing that I can do this, I can make this change and it’s bringing those issues to the surface. I’m struggling more with those negative statements running through my brain and I’m minimizing all my hard work. I need to accept that what I’m doing is a big deal, I am doing a great job and that I really need to learn to be gentle with myself. These things will all come with time and for now I will try to be patient and find that new confidence that I have within myself.
I really had to try to be gentle to myself today when I weighed in and had gained a pound. This week is not turning out to be a good weight loss week. So, I’m back at 193 pounds, which is still amazing from where I started, I suppose. I’m just going to keep on plan as best as I can and hope for some better results next week!